Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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