The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize