just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize