So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize