Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize