The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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