The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
