Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
