I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
