I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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