Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
