all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
