He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
