i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
