I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
