I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I need water and some morals
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
