Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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