I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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