You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
