Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize