You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
