don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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