so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
