What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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