He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
