Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
