if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
