You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
