Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
