and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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