i think i scared a bird with my dick
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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