Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize