Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
