forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
