My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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