I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
