I love black thongs
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
