I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
