Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
