just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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