Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize