WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
