hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Still dying that you shit outside
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize