Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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