Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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