Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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