Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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