it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
