yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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