I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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