Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
