You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You don't make any sense
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