So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
