I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
