Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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