we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
