At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
3 2 1 whiskey
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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