Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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