Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
